My little mind when I was a child

I lost my father when I was only 10. It wasn’t easy for me to understand why he had left me forever, or to understand what was death about.

For many years after my father died, I was an unhappy child and I felt that my mind was covered in cloud - it was all grey. It was really hard for me as a 10 year old girl to understand the meaning of death and to understand where my father had gone to.

Due to thinking about all these questions, I became really unhappy, quiet and mature for my age. I appreciated my mum more as I was so scared that I would lose her too. I prayed to my father to protect my mum and family and I hope he heard my message.

At the age of 14, I began to learn about Buddhism and it explained to me the meaning of life and death. I absorbed the teachings like sponge as I had been looking for the answers since I was 10.

I also came to realise that it is not important to think of the past and future but that the most important thing is to be happy and appreciate how I am now and what I currently have.

I spent the years from age 10 to 14 very unhappy and I didn’t see where I was going with that. I didn’t know what was going to happen in future. Therefore, I decided not to waste more of my life being unhappy.

Sometime, we think that we don’t have a choice of choosing a happy mind, but in fact, we are able to choose. It depends how we would like to think. If we would like to feel miserable about our life, we will feel unhappy, but if we feel satisfied with our life, than we will feel happy. The difference is in how we choose to think about it. You can decide your own happiness.

Be Clear with your Ultimate Goal

When I arrived in the UK, it took me a while to find a job that related to my profession, so I had to accept any job that was available to me.

I was a student looking for part time work. My first job was working in a Sausage factory despite being a vegetarian. It was tough, because the environment was against my principles.

I had to wake up at 4:00 am and walk 45 minutes to work for a 5:00 am start. It was dark and cold too! . The temperature in the factory was approximately 8° c degree constantly which was the requirement for production. I worked 8 hours standing in the cold packing sausages. This lasted for one and the half years.

In the beginning, I felt sorry for myself because I had to work in such an environment despite my qualifications. Many times, I burst into tears and felt negative about my life.

However, every time when I felt negative about my life, I tried to think about the positive future ahead. I sincerely believed that things would get better, nothing comes easily without going through hardship first.

I did it because I want to complete my education (Master & doctorate degree). I had the choice before I started and I decided to do it so I just had to stick to my decision which I believed would be best for me in the long run.

There were also positive aspects about that job, I was a good worker and the supervisor really like me and made me a line leader to manage the line. I did the best I could do at what I was doing.

I tried not to feel miserable about it because I believed that is only part of my road to success and I would just have to adapt to whatever the environment was during that process.

What I learned from this was that when we are clear about our ultimate goal, we should stick to it and be prepared for the challenges and obstacles on the road to success.

I made the decision to study in the UK under self support for my doctorate and therefore I had to be mentally prepared for whatever job was available to me to support my studies because, I believe the job is only part of the journey towards my ultimate goal – doctorate degree.

For people who feel miserable with their job, remember that it is only part of the path to your ultimate goal. Think of the long term rather than short term. We will feel more positive that way.